No, no … I’m not pregnant, I promise. I’d be the first to let you all know if I was. But no. I’m just … craving something.
Everything sounds sorta good when you’re craving something you can’t identify. I mean, Chinese dumplings sound awesome … so do tacos … and so do those ridiculous, heartburn-inducing little crispy rounds stuffed with crap you bake in the oven. Most anything battered and deep-fat fried sounds appealing right now – corn dogs, pizza puffs, battered mushrooms, chicken … anything.
But I can’t quite put my finger on what it is I want. I’ve heard cravings are an indication your body needs something – some nutrient, which is why pregnant women get them – so to strike back, I took a multi-vitamin. No dice. I did it for a couple of days and it didn’t work. So I have no idea what to do.
Sometimes, I get itches I can’t find too. I know there’s an itch somewhere in the vicinity of my finger, around the second knuckle for instance, but … I can’t quite get the itch no matter where I scratch. It’s like the bone itches instead of the skin’s surface. I hate it, and it’s infuriating.
I also find I’m prone to heartburn when I eat certain foods whereas I never got heartburn before. This is a new phenomenon manifesting in the last … what? three, four years? a little more maybe? It’s annoying as hell. I want to enjoy the food I eat, dagnabit! Why do I have to suffer for it?!
I can’t get comfortable to sleep at night anymore either.
For those of you who haven’t reached your forties yet, be warned. Take care of yourself or you’re going to regret it. UGH.
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