All right, I watched one decent movie over the weekend. I told you about that. I watched a couple of bad ones, too. That’s just how I roll, I guess.
The worst of them was a POS called Unspeakable. Interestingly, it had Lance Henrickson, Dina Meyer (rrrrowr) and Dennis Hopper in it. I thought Dennis Hopper was sort of a top-level actor. He always seems to get accolades for the roles he does. Then again, he does retirement commercials for some financial firm too, so I may be very wrong about that.
Regardless, the story is about a serial killer (not a bad premise with which to start) who kills a cop in either New Mexico or Arizona (close to the border). But an innocent man gets the blame and is executed, even after the serial killer is apprehended in Mexico and transferred to the United States for trial.
It’s basically Beauty and the Beast in a sort of modern way. And stinky.
The characters weren’t just archetypes, they were stereotypes. The killer was portrayed by the executive producer/central “actor”, and he was clearly an amateur. His acting stunk in the worst decaying stenches. The character he “portrayed” was super-human in a lot of ways and supposedly caused women to swoon at the very sight of him. He overpowered six or seven large prison guards and escaped. Later, even after overcoming six or seven of them, two of them decided it’d be funny to go into his cell at night and beat him up. OH, and they left the cell door open while they did it, to boot. Can’t forget that.
I lost interest at about that point. The only thing missing from this movie was an aging action hero actor like Jean-Claude Van Damme or Steven Seagal. Rutger Hauer, maybe. The movie was made in 2003, but would’ve fit better in 1983. In Bollywood. It’s horrible. I couldn’t stomach more than the first forty-five minutes or so of that two-hour stinkfest. UGH.
So, I have no idea how that dog with all its fleas ended, but I hope it was merciful and painless. I don’t think so, though. This belonged on Spike at three in the morning or something. Terrible. Horrible. And the studio coughed up money to make it, and paid some serious actors to be in it. Not many, but a couple.
Stay far, far away from Unspeakable with Lance Henrickson and Dennis Hopper. (There is another movie of the same name which is more recent, so I don’t want to steer anyone away from that until I know I should.) The writer/actor/director/supah-stah was Pavan Grover, but I wouldn’t bother trying to look him up if it were me.
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