I’ve been gone for a bit. Did you notice?
Oh, I published a little guest post over on my fiction blog, but I’ve not been posting here. It’s been interesting, because on the one hand I missed the routine of blogging, the expression of words on pixels. It’s as close to writing as I’m able to get these days, and I don’t want to lose touch with that.
On the other hand, it’s been liberating not to feel obligated to pump out three posts a week, to try and be interesting when…well, I’m not. I don’t have anything to say. Not really. The few things I did have to say have probably been said. More than once, likely. And I can spend my time complaining about how much stress I have in my job, how much pressure I feel, how much of my life I’m losing over learning for my job, but…well. Who wants to read that?
Aside from those things I don’t have anything to offer any more. I shared the tiny shreds of what I know about writing. I shared the tiny shards of knowledge I have about self-publishing. I have no tiny shards to share about computer programming – nothing my particular audience would find interesting or worth reading. (Any programmers reading my blog still would find my skill level far below their own, I’d wager.) And there isn’t anything else I have left to offer the world.
I don’t feel the need to complain right now. I have the pressure of a project which is due on Friday, sure. You’ve already heard about that. I have a newfound spiritual awakening over the last three years and part of that is growth in trust. And that trust, and my relationship with the One in Whom that trust is placed, extends beyond major things into everyday things. Things like doing my job, and the help to get the code out of my head an into the compiler. It extends to the trust that, sometime soon, we’ll have the resources to buy a car. It extends to being able to trust we’ll be happy and healthy, and yes, things are going to bump that happy once in a while, but the joy underlying it can’t be taken from us.
I could go on and on about that, but why bother? It would only alienate anyone reading who doesn’t believe the same things I do, and there are other outlets for that. Our new church home is a place with a like-minded group of people who are willing and able to help me express, learn, grow, and share. I have other blogs, too, and one of those might be a better venue for those thoughts, even though they’re all falling into disuse a this juncture.
So, what’s left to tell you about, to talk about, to share?
I can tell you when I see a movie, and share my thoughts and feelings on it, but…why would you care about that? Who would care about that? I mean, there are people who are paid to critique and review movies, and they’ll critique and review current ones. I can only do what I’m able to afford on Vudu or Netflix. So meh…who cares, really?
I could show you photos I’ve taken and altered in Photoshop, color adjusted and lighting tweaked and whatever, but, honestly, how many pictures of our flower pots can you see before they’re boring (too late!)? They’ve come a long way, by the way. We’ve added a few more, too. My wife’s much more diligent than I am at posting those updates, so I should leave them to her. (I still need excuses to use my really expensive camera, though.)
I have nothing left to say, and maybe I knew that when I switched over to this blog a few months ago. Maybe I saw the end of the blogging line coming, and subconsciously prepared for it. I could have slowed down, I guess, and blogged less often, but I’ve always heard how quickly blogs die when that happens, how fast they lose interested viewers and readers.
It’s sort of a weird place to be in. I don’t know whether I enjoy having my time back more, or have just run out of things to say. I guess I could stir the pot and strike controversial postures and political views to generate interest, but…nah. I think I’m content NOT to be insulted and offensive. Too wimpy? Maybe. But if I want to debate someone, I have more interest in other areas to apply to that arena. Nothing I’d want to talk about here would be of genuine interest to me in that regard.
Maybe, instead of trying to blog three times a week, I’ll give a weekly update on Friday nights or Saturday mornings, or Sunday mornings, or whenever it strikes me. Maybe I should just blog when I want to. When I have something to say. Maybe a temporary hiatus is in order, to allow my blogging batteries to recharge, so I can go back to a regular schedule when I’m able and willing.
I’d hate to lose touch with those of you still reading here though. Sparkling Red, WIGSF occasionally, and a couple of others. You’re all people I’d like to maintain contact with, and this is the only way I have to do that right now, for the most part. So I’d regret losing those threads of communication. But I have your blogs in my reader, so when you post I’ll see them. And I can come comment to let you know I’m still out here, enjoying your company.
But, I feel it might be time to step away from the blogosphere a little. Not forever – I enjoy it too much and want to stay with it. But for a time, I think I might be finished with it. Maybe this is the push I need to get me to write fiction again. Maybe I’m not making the choices I should make to free up the time I can spend doing that. My wife’s been trying for more than a year to get me to set up a schedule for myself so I can have room in my life for all of it – Photoshopping and photography, writing, blogging, learning computer programming – but I never did heed her advice. Now, I think I can free some of that time up, give myself some slack, by letting go of one of the chains dragging on the limited hours I have.
What do you think? Are you here, reading now, because you find what I say valuable somehow? or is it just as a show of support to someone you’ve come to care about in some small way for whatever reason? or neither, but for some other reason?
I’d love to hear from you, and won’t post again until I do.
Hope you had a great weekend, everyone!